LR

WWW- There is the potential for a very good essay and that you have already got something to our and there's plenty to work on too.

EBI-

- written English and basic errors you need to proof read. Laura croft? Women are begging? 

-The Internet isn't an intro first paragraph needs a lot of work

-not focus on the question

-topic sentences for each paragraph need to clearly link to the question

-only 15 footnotes need another 10/20 Need more from books and journals

-you could make much more of you 21st-century feminism blogs twitter

-bibliography needs more you must have films in there 

-you need to learn how to introduce quotes

 Aiming grade - B - 33 marks 

5 things: 

-more quotes search up online 

-check work before handing it in

- introduce quotes properly

-get more footnotes from journals and books to get a better grade 

-spell check before you hand it in so that no spelling errors can bring you down